When you strain your voice it sounds like the air gets trapped, like you breathed into much or something. You should try to make sure that strain isn't heard and it's as natural as possible.
I think maybe warming up your vocal cords before you start would help?
Also, it sound like you just say your words. I mean the voice is right. The acting though...how do I say it? The entire thing needs to come more naturally. Like you're Lear in Shakespeare's play.
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